wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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