you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
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His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
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Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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