She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
