If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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