I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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