you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
