I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
