oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My vagina just clenched in fear
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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