I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
