The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
