im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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