o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
This house was built for laser tag.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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