Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
