Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
