Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
