I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
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you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
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Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?