1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
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And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now