she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
