You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.