If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
