Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
