I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
where am i from again
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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