I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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