I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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