i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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