So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
