Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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