Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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