I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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