So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Randomize
