I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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