There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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