Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
