six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
