Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
