Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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