Duck Duck Cougar?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Im part way to drunk.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
