If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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