So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
