Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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