so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
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I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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