I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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