Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
