Your face is a jimmy john
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
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