I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He did a backflip because drugs
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
