I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
