Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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