Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
