I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
