so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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