I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
What drink are we having for lunch?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
