got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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