I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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