it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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