i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
