Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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