Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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